So CLOSE yet So FAR
Friday, January 15, 2010 @ 7:51 AM
Haven been blogging for a long long long time. What makes me wanna blog again? Well, besides anniversary post, i haven been talking much about my life. As most of my dearly friends know that I am back in KL. So here I am talking about the overall trip back to KL (although my trip haven end). Well.. So far, I think my trip back to KL was quite disappointing. First of all, there's been some issue going on with me and baby. That can be excused, we're doing great now. And there's a thing that i have to mention. The bonds between me and my friends. Maybe I've been away for too long, and it seems that i gradually doesnt exist in them anymore. I dont know if that's true, but at least that's how i feel. Not to mention that we've all grown up so quickly. Having their first year at college, busy catching up with their lives and of course with their dearies. I mean that's really common. We're growing up and at this very stage, friends are not our first priority. Eventually someday you'll be asking, 'what are frens?'. I'm just exaggerating. Anyway, back to the point, I haven been seeing my friends lately and that's really sad. Not even my besties. Yea, imagine that. They now have different gangs too. Besties outside the circles??Busy with lovers?? I have been back for almost 3 weeks, and i haven exactly hang out with 2 of my besties. Makes me feel friendship are just worth that much. Not to mention, we haven NOT been talking to each other too. Makes me feel so hilarious and ridiculous. I'm angry. Angry that we've grown up so fast. Angry that growing up makes us distant. Our friendship (besties) had been for years and years. 7? 8? I honestly dont remember when was the last time we talked on phone for hours and hours. I dont remember when was the last time we stop argueing and actually make fun of each other. If i know this would happen, I rather choose to not come back. Rather not face this cruel reality that, 'you dont even remember that i came home'. Maybe this is what we call 'SO CLOSE YET SO FAR'
Besides the boring lousy essay above, there's something i want to tell you (i guess we know who you are). I dont know if you still ever remember i have a blog or do you still ever remember that i was your bestfren. Or if you'll ever read this.
I haven been feeling the same way on any other bestie. Maybe because you're the 1 who changed the most. I remembered when i came home last July. I was thrilled to find lots of pressies from you. Lots of phone calls from you. Talking for hours and hours. Gossiping about others. Sharing stories about ppl you did not know or familiar with. We went shopping together, staring at that Sungei W. guy. Mamak-ing late night. Sleepovers. Surprise cupcakes. Swimming. Wardrobe-ing. We had lots of fun and love in it. I still remember how u used to call me, when I'm in Aust. Promising me that you'll call me every week. Called when i cried. Called when you need to talk. Can you remember exactly when was the last time you called? And when was the time where you promised you'll called but never did at all? I cant remember anymore. I guess it's too long ago. I came home this time. You lied to me. You never ever called me. Not even once. Never text me. I know you'll be asking, why must you be the 1 to make the first move. Well, i did called you. But i gave up next. Because ever since that call, you never called again. I didn't want to talk to you directly. I'm angry. Yes, I am very. Because i hate the huge change in you. It's so scary and terrifying. I didn't know that ... can changed you into some1 I dont even know. It's no use talking to you, because you'll never ever remember me. He filled your heart and your brain. I reckon, you wont even remember when I'm leaving, or when I'll be back again. As much as i hate to say, you're not the gal i know anymore. And as much as you hate to know, I dislike the new you so much..
When was the last time we hugged so close and smile so wide??